When it rains
The nature celebrates
And so do I
In my own special way
With a book in my hand
To lose myself in
Sweet, sweet fantasy
Contained in numbered pages
So cozy in my bed
Cuddling under the blankets
My window wide open and welcoming
Such beautiful, wonderful weather
When the air seems fresh
The breeze, teasing
Cool droplets clinging to everything
That lies under the open sky
And to make this moment perfect
As I sit in my paradise
I have with me
A cup of tea…
With a dash of whiskey!
It just feels as if life is going under
Like you are stuck on a sinking boat
All alone in the endless ocean
Only problems stretching far and wide
Just misery to keep you company
No, you won’t die.
You are not in the middle of a tsunami
You are not in the middle of a hurricane
You are not in the middle of an earthquake
You are not caught in a war
It just feels like the world is going to end
But no, it is going to be fine.
The sky feels like it’s going to crash any moment
The weight of the world lies heavy on your shoulders
It never allows you to get too far
It’s sad, I know, but life has its moments
It’s fine. It’s not that big of a mess
You’ll get thorough it; you’ll be fine.
You don’t have a life threatening disease
You don’t have broken body parts
You are not blind, deaf or dumb
Nor are you someone without a heart
You are not going to die
It is going to be fine.
There are always people in this world
With more troubles, more problems than you have
No, I don’t want to shame you, or make you feel bad
Your problems are your own, as are your troubles
So don’t undermine them, or label them trivial
They are a trial to deal with, for they are your own
But it’ll never change that you are going to be fine.
You may think you are useless
You may think you don’t work enough
You may think you don’t take things very far
That whatever you do wouldn’t make a difference
You may think you aren’t worth it
You cannot get it all right
You think you cannot deal with this
You think it is too hard
You think it’s going to swallow you whole
Maybe even rip you completely apart
It’s out of your reach, whatever it is that you need
But it isn’t as you think; it’s going to be fine.
You aren’t perfect, you can’t achieve it all
You are nothing but a human
Flaws adorn you, making you who you are
Don’t be in such a hurry; breathe, and live your life
Don’t even think to apologise
Because you are perfect, whoever you are.
Perhaps, today you can’t look at the world
Without tears forming in your eyes
Perhaps, tomorrow, days from now
You’ll be able to smile bright and shine
The world won’t end without notice
You, you have all the time you need.
One day, you’ll look back at the problems
The problems seem larger than life, veiling all your joy
And think how could they have been so big!
That they blinded all the little things
Little things that are most important
Little things that bring you joy
So trust me, it will be fine.
When you are on the sinking boat alone
In the midst of the ocean of problems
Try not to panic, the boat won’t sink
You won’t drown even if you can’t swim
Just know, as I know, when you get past it
You’ll sprout wings and fly…
Vote, comment, share! Always appreciated 🙂
Wish I could’ve put loving on hiatus
Then I could think, but not overthink
As I’m wont to do when in love
But detached I could see unbiased
If we were meant to be
If yes, maybe I could know
What’s stoping us from being together
And work, work, and work
To correct the faults and cracks
That alas, are keeping us apart
Really though, I could use a break
A break from love
‘Cause some days, it eats me
That I haven’t figured out
The art of approaching love
The science of togetherness
And it drives me mad
Why one person can mean so much
That you wait all the time for them
And you pray, even though you don’t believe
For them to come to you
Of course I want you to be happy
But the way that you’re happy
Makes me unhappy
So I implore you to be
Just a tiny bit considerate
It’ll be selfish of me to voice this out
So I’ll just think it
It’ll be my little, private thing
Hidden in the safe confines of my mind
I once met this boy
A calm, assuring yet arrogant angel
He drew me close and gave me joy
And then, too late, one day
I realised he was the Devil
And that I couldn’t walk away
I couldn’t help but inch closer
Still, for a while, everything seemed well
Time seemed to go slower and slower
Until, he opened his true eyes and bid me goodbye
And then gave me away to the fires of hell
Even falling, I just couldn’t help but cry
It hurt! Was it the misplaced trust, his betrayal?
Or that to love me, he was unable…
The dead are not gone
But they live on
For when they lived,
They inspired, they affected
And thus left an imprint
So, even as they depart
They do exist
They dwell in our hearts
And live in our memories
The dead are living
For they have those who still admire
Those who still cherish
And will remember them
Forever.
I liked what it was
I loved what it could have been
What I didn’t like
Was what it should be
But what it isn’t
And would never be
To new beginnings
And old friends
To the people who left
And the people yet to come
To the little child
Who you once were
To the thunderstorms
That kept you awake
To rainy days
When you once played
To the books
Yet to be read
To the life
You’ve left to live
To the many things
Yet to come
To the beginnings
As to the ends.
My demons lie within me
Waiting to be found
Hidden, for unseen
They grow unbound.
.
My demons emerge
When I am insecure
Always ready to defend
A disease without cure.
.
My demons rule me,
As do their malicious intents
My conscience wrecks me
As my guilt torments.
.
My demons know me
As I wallow in misery
Loved for they are mine
They keep me company.
.
My demons plague me,
In day as they do at night
Conquerors of my mind,
Masters of my fate.
There lies this land, out of reach
With many a happy memory,
With boundless happiness hard to breach,
And joy so full of melody.
,
This land, I never did visit
It knows not pain or sorrow
Where sadness, spite nor despair do exist,
And people look towards tomorrow.
.
A land full of love and peace,
That there lies no damning desperation
Free of inner demons haunting on their release
With no frustrations, no aspersions and no self-destruction.
.
Yet this land is just my illusion,
My abode against devastation.
With my eyes open,
I try to catch
The endless dreams,
From starry skies.
My arms held wide,
For the moon’s embrace.
A smile lives upon my lips
Wanting to capture the mesmerising beauty
Of a child’s paradise.
And hair flowing as the river,
Hugging the earth’s grassy realms
And the nature’s enchanting palette
Never lets the mischievous glint to die.
But the breeze on my face tells me
The sky is too far,
Hard to reach,
Hard to touch.
And a lone tear slowly trickles down my cheek,
Never to be found…
I wish it was another whim
But God! I really love him
This secret, I entrust to you
So long, I kept it hidden from view
Perhaps, he is my personal totem
But I cannot love him out in open
He loves another, you see
Perhaps this is the way things may be
Even in the future, but I’ll be the same
Loving him, still hidden in shame
I am not ashamed, not really
I feel really sad, but never silly
Rather, I should say, he is precious
It has nothing to do with how he dresses
Nor his face, the manner of his speech
He has always been out of my reach
If he were any different, I’d be proud to say
Still, I would love him the same way
If I could, I’ll stay by him all day and night
And hug him, whenever I can, with all my might
I want to give him all he could ever desire
To watch, as his eyes light up with fire
What all he feels, I want to feel
All his cracks, this way, I want to heal
It’s strange, this wish, to hide him away
To keep him safe from harm’s way
This desire to cherish, to spoil him rotten
To give him joy that I’ve forgotten
As days turned to years, I still yearned
The flame in my heart, brighter it burned
Perhaps, soon all that is left of me would be ashes
But I know he will be even better as time passes
I know I am rather plain, and undeserving
But my love will always be unswerving
So, I wish him happiness, all the stars above
They say you should let go of the one you love
I am afraid my presence would be a rife
So I want not to interfere in his life
When I think of him, I always envision him smile
It hurts me to think along any other line
It is selfish of me, but him I really do miss
So, God, would you grant me this little wish?
All his life, would you have him smile?
And think of me, every once in a while…
I am sorry, I should say
I am sorry for running away
For not taking your hand
When you extended it
For saying no and being so scared
I wish I had more courage
To be myself around you
I wish I hadn’t fidgeted so much
Or looked away
When your eyes met mine
Our gazes always seemed to meet
So uncannily, as if it were meant to be
I wish I had the courage
To look right at you
To look right through you
Through all your pretences
Beyond all social niceties
Just to meet your gaze and smile
Instead of shying away
Being so embarrassed
Feeling so guilty
As if I were committing a crime
I wish I had the courage
To let those words leave my lips
Words I ached to speak
Words that hurt so much
The words that held the longing
Both my heaven and hell
All that I kept suppressed
If I had the courage
To talk to you without restraint
As if that were true!
But if it were
I am sure I would have talked
For hours without end
Hoping, always hoping
That you wouldn’t be bored
That you would be hung on my every word
As I am on yours
I wish I had the courage
To overwhelm the fear I held
That you would leave me by myself
And then I would be all alone
Or worse, you would so it
After I get a taste of how we could be
I would wallow in sorrow
I am sure
I don’t think I could recover
From that blow
Or watch your retreating back
I am sure you are the most addictive
Imperfectly perfect
Loved for your flaws
The person I want to be with
Above all others
The person I do cherish
Above all others
The person whom I would be strongly ecstatic
To be belonging to
The person whom I want to be mine
As if humans were chattel!
Such a silly person I am
Yet, I wish to be yours
Somehow, that is what keeps
Driving me forward
Pushing me forth
Even though I have yet to
Have the courage to even
Meet your damned gaze!
I wish I could know you
Truly, and not just in my dreams
Outside my dreams
Outside all that I wish for
And all that happens in
That fictional world in my mind
Where we have lived many lives
And all of them together
If only it were as simple
To meet your gaze
See you smile at me
Resonate that profound emotion
And be yours, only yours
Forever.
The moment when you look at me
When my gaze met yours
The world stood so still
Witnessing what science couldn’t explain
But we didn’t realise
For we couldn’t look away
As time stopped and such peace
Engulfed us whole
In that moment, words passed between us
Words of understanding, words of trust
The silent words of our soul
That only you and I could hear
In that moment, we were together
For no reason other than
We were meant to be like this
I wish it were true outside this moment
This wish, I pity
This moment, I envy
But it is over before long, this moment
Before either of us could speak
Before either of us could blink
Over in a fraction of a second
Before either of us could savour
This reunion of souls.
Yet, I treasure this moment
And I hope you do too
However, even loving this moment
I am afraid to look at you
Afraid you’d be out of the daze
That I still am in
My head feels so heavy
I can hear my heart pounding so loud
Can you hear it? Would you ever?
My face feels flushed
I feel so embarrassed, yet so guilty.
The sands of time flow again
And the hourglass of my life drips on
Making my pathetic state:
Afraid to meet your eyes
Even though I would love to
Afraid to smile at you
Because you just might frown at me
Or carelessly sigh in disappointment
Yet, there is a part of me that feels
That you, like me, are afraid
That upon meeting my gaze
Your world would crash as mine.
My world would crash, you hear
Just by a heedless, thoughtless action of yours
For that is how much power
You hold over me
For that is how much power you possess
I am merely a vulnerable creature
Whom you could as easily crush
As give unlimited joy
I am afraid, if you knew
That you have that power
You may wield it without care
Hence, bring upon my destruction
And leave me shedding tears,
Sobbing the rest of my life
For your embrace
That’s how much you mean to me
And sometimes I wonder, I hope
That’s how much I mean to you too
‘Cause we’re too alike in this respect
In running away from each other
Only to collide
And have our gazes meet
As time, so still, witnesses our reunion.
In this wide world, there are far more than a few
And yet only with you, my fascination grew
To make sense of this absurdity, I write this poetry
Because you, my dear, are my unsolved mystery.
You are the reason my mind and heart are at war
So close you are, and yet you seem so far
Narcissistic, arrogant and sadistic you may be
Still, you are the only one for me.
I wonder who you are deep inside
Why you choose to project all these lies
This fascination with you, I did not decide
Because just seeing you, my heart sighs.
Only you can provide me with intellectual stimulation
Which you do although you have no obligation
Keeping me on the edge seems your intention
I swear it amuses you, my frustration.
Sometimes I think you wish me well
Other times, it seems, you want my life to be hell
But neither you nor I can deny our chemistry
Even if you, my dear, are my unsolved mystery.
About you, I wish to know everything
It never lets me rest, this clawing curiosity
With you, I know I’ll never get back my serenity
Because you, my dear, are my unsolved mystery.
I wonder what goes on in your mind
If I could read it, I would rewind
Back, far back, to know all your history
Because you, my dear, are my greatest mystery.
My life became really rough
When I fell in love in a puff
It happened in a blink
Since, I have been on the brink
It makes me feel quite queer
Because in love, nothing is clear
Am I being selfish or selfless?
I can never stop being restless
My happiness depends on theirs
Is that what this world calls fair?
I feel love is silly and stupid
Just what have you done, Cupid?
No, I am not at all fine
I just can’t help but whine
Oh, being in love is tough!
Such bothersome stuff
I daydream all day long
But it doesn’t feel wrong
In love is a strange serenity
Even if it takes things to extremity
Before, I was proud of my mind
Now, it is of the idiot kind
Smart to stupid, I have become
I might as well go beat a drum
Often I find myself wonder
Whether love is a blunder
Is love good or evil?
Or simply something primeval?
Love is being stabbed by a knife
Bleeding, but still living life
It does never end, but start
Please be still my heart!
It’s easier to build a castle
To love is such a hassle!
I am not being truth-less
It’s just love that is ruthless
Love might just be a battle
Our life, it really does rattle
Love is quite a mystery
That has no victory
On and on, I keep pondering
For love always keeps bothering
I know not why I fell in love
Yet, I know that I can’t un-love!
Your presence is of a ghost
Ever haunting my mind
Or you might just be a Devil
For you are the cause of my pain
And I hate myself for not disliking it
For being so unable to hate you for it
Most of the time, I can bear it somehow
It is the distant ache of a fading bruise
Or a cut so deep that it left a scar
I find myself thinking of you
At odd times that bring along
A pain that cuts so sharp and true
That screams won’t escape me, my fear
Of you being just a distant memory
I almost cannot bear it, but I do so somehow
At times it feels my pain won’t ever end
It claws at my heart, gouging deeper
Salt being put on those wounds till they heal
Then again, it begins, never resting, repeating
My heart breaks and shatters
A broken fortress of glass
The shards cut me, causing me pain
Yet I heal, just enough to keep alive
While feeling this irrevocable love
Or is it just pain disguised as love?
The pain feels as if it would never end
Sometimes I don’t want it to end
The pain is what makes it so real
Or maybe I am a true masochist
To take pleasure and pride
Waiting for my tears to dry up
And again, for the pain to return
Again, and again, this endless cycle
Maybe love is the weapon of a sadist
And those who love, their toys to play
For in pain, I can still love
My love rises like a Phoenix from ashes
Yet, at times, I find myself wonder
Is it you I really love or the fantasy of you?
Is it your love that I want or just the pain of love?
It has been so long that I can’t remember
Which came first: my love for you or the pain?
But I can’t stop now even if I try
I can’t stop ever, if ever I try
Maybe I just don’t want it to stop
Like an inextinguishable flame, a Phoenix
Rising again from the ashes, never dying
For there is beauty in pain,
And a bitter kind of love.
I have been waiting
For a long time now
For something that’s out of my reach
For someone who doesn’t want me
And it’s imperative I stop
Before I breakdown
I am so, so close…
It’s frightening
The heartache stays a constant
Mayhap it’s just an illusion
Of shattered dreams
Barely held together
By fragments of hope
That my heart won’t let go
Perhaps it’s all in my head
No simple case of mind over matter
Yet maybe, my heart isn’t involved
For after all
The mind is the cause
With heart lies no fault
I cannot stop it, for it goes on
Starts so simply
With a smile, some words
And a feeling of belonging
Then comes the tsunami
Hope, tears, dreams
Wait, hurt, desperation
Trying to accept reality
But failing so miserably
Then hope, more tears…
On and on
It’s a vicious cycle
I have tried many times
To break free before it breaks me
Perhaps solitude would suit me better
Than someone who’s only half there
Than someone who doesn’t want to be there
Perhaps it’s the memories I miss
Not the person I had them with
Perhaps it’s for the potential
Of all that we could be
But all that we won’t be
No matter how much I keep wishing
Perhaps all I want is to break free
And smile, without any worries
For the wounds to close
For this habit of waiting to break
It’s going to be the end of me
I know, if I don’t stop soon
Yet, I know
At the end of the day
I won’t stop at all
And I’ll make reasons why I can’t–
Dreams haunting,
Memories playing in loop,
The fear of moving on
They’re all just excuses
Because the truth is
I don’t think I can stop
Not today, nor tomorrow
Or all the days to come
A part of me believes
My heart’s got no say
For there’s got to be something
That’s far greater at play
For if they occur too often
Even coincidences become fate
And certain people just matter more
For no known reason at all
So I’ll keep the wait
While my watch gets more and more vigilant
Because no matter what I think or do
Hope reigns and won’t let go
Undeniable torture on its own
It’s pain my soul has known
Utterly confused and conflicted inside
For the one I need is the one blissfully unaware
Deaf, dumb and blind to my silent cries.
Unwanted but needed
A disease without a cure
Certain to scar, certain to wound
Treading sanity’s edge
A dormant demon’s want to strike consumes.
Faithfully silent, a shadow never seen
Impossible to shut, remain feelings unchosen
Red tears of agony bleeds my broken heart
Hollow yet certain of its want
And as ever, what’s not given, goes unreturned.
A state of pained mind impossible to leave
Utter loneliness all around my cage
Wanting to escape, wanting to savour
Salt on the wounds put lovingly in fervour.
And I beg of you to abandon
Indifference, my biggest foe
A slave to cowardice, yet craving the forbidden
A thirst gone unsatisfied, the proximity you ignore
Enduring merciless tests of time
As fate continues its cruel game
Fighting the creeping misery
Condemned to this unfair love unconditionally.
Forlorn hope retains its reign
And my bleeding heart clings on
To the last wisps of its life
Lonely still, as it was doomed to die.
He is so far away
That my hands can’t hold him
That my fingers can’t touch him
That my eyes can’t see him
That my ears won’t hear his voice
Yet not so far
That my heart stops weeping for him
My love for him is inscrutable
My mind irrevocable
My heart incorrigible
This fate inevitable
My love for him is unconditional
My trust illogical
To a soul so ethereal
The peace he brings is mystical
My love is iridescent
His eyes incandescent
His lips form eloquent
His flaws are irrelevant
My love for him is ineffable
My faith unstoppable
My joy uncontrollable
This awe inexpressible
My love for him is inscrutable
My mind irrevocable
My heart incorrigible
Our fate inevitable
Inscrutable: Daily Prompts
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If you’d have me
I promise
Rain, hail, sleet or snow
I’ll stand by you
Till the sky would fall
For with you
Storms would seem nice
The moon, really hollow
And the sun who blinds me
Would be you, the one I love
Even if in the end
There would be nothing
Left of me, but ashes
If you won’t have me
I still promise
That I’ll wait
All my life
Till the end of time:
Till the last painted leaf
Falls from the painted tree
I think I’ll be waiting for a long time
With the sort of hope
That a child has,
With the kind of loneliness
That doesn’t leave your heart
I don’t think I can help it
I need to vow
That my peace will be found
For my being is restless to sow
A love that knows not any bound.
My soul is infected with madness
And has been thus for so long
That my heart is full of sadness
And a silent, mournful song.
This love cannot be quenched by rains
Nor be sated by scrumptious feats
It runs raw through my veins
More fearsome than all known beasts.
Confused, impatient but kind
You search fulfilment, not pity
I did promise to help you find
Your long lost serenity.
Such a restlessness knows my soul
Such desire covets my heart
My being craves to be whole
And for us to never part.
Nothing, to me, has ever been more clear
Than knowing you and me are bound
And so, I vow with a lone tear
That our peace will be found.
There is something about you
That I cannot put a finger on
There is something about you
That drives me completely mad
There is something about you
That awakened an insatiable curiosity
There is something about you
That you are always on my mind.
There is something about you
Maybe it is the determination in your eyes
That drives me fully crazy, or maybe I already was
It lies in the way your feet tap
Impatient for everything to go your way
It lies in those eyes of yours, wiser than your years
It lies in the stubborn set of your jaw
It lies in your voice, deep yet determined.
There is something about you
Maybe it is the way you smile
So carefree, so careless, not afraid to take your time
There is a mischievous glint in your eyes
When you grin, no doubt up to no good
There is a calming truth in your eyes
When you smile because you found the joy you needed to feel
There is sadness in you eyes
When you force a smile, as if everything is alright.
There is something about you
You seem a lost soul looking for company
So sad, so tormented, so full of sorrow
I hope it is a mirage of my mind, and not a truth in existence
Still, it breaks my heart to see you such
I have an urge to pull you out of this misery
And make you smile, taking away all your worries
Yet I do nothing, for I have no right.
There is something about you
That cultivates my obsession without any resistance
There is something about you
That makes me want to know everything
— Your thoughts, your dreams, your faith
Your trust, your touch and your love
But I know I will never know all of it
For you are further away than I could ever reach.
There is something about you
That makes me care too much
There is something about you
That makes me trust you without reason
There is something about you
That I can’t help but love you so much
That I need you to love me with the same reckless abandon
Even after death do us apart.
On the last day of the session
I couldn’t shake off this aberration
– I may never see you again!
The dread froze in my brain
The insecurity crept up my veins
The thought broke my heart
And the unsolved riddle,
Stopped me from living life.
So I tried to drink you in,
Preserve the little that was my everything
You weren’t made to be a forgotten lore
But someone to be cherished, forever more.
My faith in you had no bound
For like the sun, you rose every dawn
You didn’t know you were blinding, my sunshine
And that your smile was what made my day
And a single word addressed to me,
Far sweeter than any lullaby
You were my drug; you are still my addiction
And for that, your seven sins are all forgiven.
Ignore me all you want, don’t glance at me at all
It’s impossible to change my state of mind
I still want to die in your arms and no others
And will always continue to love, crave and care
For you are as mine as I am yours.
The 18 days that sucked out my lifetime
Each worse than its harbinger
And with surety now, I know
Some infinities are far greater than the others.
The first three days I lived in hope
For I was tucked up in my humble home
Though by the sixth, I was quite unsure
My belief, I believe, was misplaced
For you never showed up again
On the seventh, eighth and ninth,
I swear I heard murder cry
Staining my world with her broken tears
As the mourning dove sung a doleful tune
Each day I woke up with new hope
Only to have it crushed under your invisible boot
Unwanted, unnoticed, I walked through crowds
The world oblivious to my despicable woe
For the next three days,
I felt like a lost soul wandering in hell’s dimensions
There had never been any greater desperation
For I wished, I prayed, I requested
I appealed, I pleaded and begged
That I was all but my mind’s illusion
Wanting wake from a nightmare so full of dire
That the masterpiece of horror in comparison
Seemed nothing but a mere hallucination
Through a dozen days and three more
I tried not to hear, but eavesdrop
Watch out for any information
Though all my efforts led to naught
In finding your whereabouts
Your name still sent shivers down my throat
So I wished for the mirage to come alive
For you comforted me with your presence
Now, there is neither you nor serenity
Please come out of hiding; tell me where you are
I promise I’ll give you all I ever had
Sunshine, my dear sunshine,
I trust you, not with my heart
But to burn the black clouds that hold you back
The next morning, I dreamt of a world together,
Of held hands and stolen passion
And little secrets hidden in your iris
With mysteries that lay as deep as night
I sure could have lost myself in those eyes
I even believe I did, for waking up
Shattered my new found comfort
And I drowned again in sorrow’s ocean.
No sun charmed his way though my midnight
No warmth kissed away the ice in me
A hollow tool, I walked the earth
Unsure, without you, of her purpose
It’s only been seventeen days since I last saw you
I lie counting the days without your smoldering glance
Then why does it feel like a lifetime?
I miss you, I really do; and I regret
It’s only a bulb full of memories of you that I have
And not my blinding, perfect sunshine
Just ask, ask me once
Let me hear that siren’s call
And unable to resist the melody’s lure
I’ll swim through the severest of tempests
And unleash my claws to do you right
Always by your side, even if my right is the white.
The eighteenth day, is not my last
But still numb with pain, I strive ahead
For pain, my darling, demands to be felt
And in its stubborn wake I live
Not by choice, but by will
And because I know no other way than
Waiting for my sun to brighten my day
For one day, the clouds would part
And the rain would cease its fall
You’d risk a peek from beneath those lush lashes
And nothing would stop your red-hot sunshine
From streaming through my eyes again
The sun is whom I most adore
The one who conquered my mind, heart and soul
Hence, I present you with this crown
My conqueror, my love, my king
For princes don’t have that much influence
To sway me from the path set eons ago.
On the strands of truth woven by fate herself
This infinite wait stretches on and on,
Towards the forever out of reach
I can’t promise an eternity
But I must promise you this
– I’ll wait for you as long as I live
These 18 days were just the beginning.
Love Poems 